Mummy says…. I have thought about writing this post for a long time, and am still not sure whether to share it or not. I have decided that I will to help raise awareness of Mental Health Awareness Week, which is this week 8 – 14 May 2017.
I love my blog and writing through the eyes of Pickle, sharing our reviews and travels, our lives and celebrations. I have chosen not to share very personal ‘stuff’. Until now.
Coming into 2017 I was at a very very low point. Physically I was completely and utterly exhausted. I had blood tests (A very big deal for me as I have a terrible phobia of needles) which revealed dangerously low iron and B9 levels and anaemia. It was a wonder I hadn’t collapsed – I was so close though. My immune system was virtually non existent and I had a virus which I couldn’t fight – it even attacked my eyes, leaving me very scared. I was so vulnerable. I was immediately put on a high dose of iron and folic acid.
Mentally I was exhausted too. I was very low mentally before Christmas and my thoughts and mind were just not picking up. I started having panic attacks, trouble sleeping and was just so low in every way.
I went to the doctors. Luckily I saw a wonderfully understanding Dr W. She listened and referred me for couselling (This was in early January mind you and I haven’t been seen yet). She also prescribed a low dose of anti depressant tablets.
Now I have been prescribed these a couple of times before and never, ever taken them. I trained to be a counsellor before falling pregnant with Pickle, and I was a holistic therapist for years too. I recommended natural alternatives and used them myself, truly believing there was no need for medication.
This time, I started taking them. I remember sitting looking at them, feeling so very sad. Feeling such a failure. They are a very low dose though. (I told myself. They are, but that doesn’t matter really).
I felt very ‘funny’ for a couple of weeks. Spacey, a bit wobbly, and numb. Remember that I was still physically at rock bottom too. I kept taking them, and I slowly noticed these feelings settling down. I started, very slowly to feel a little more normal.
Some one said to me that the meds won’t remove or change my situation, or problems, but they will give me a level playing field to ‘work’ from. And that is exactly right.
I feel calmer. First of all I noticed an inner calm. Then I realised that I was shouting a lot less. I was crying a lot less. My monthly arrived without my usual 48 hours of first constantly crying, then wanting to kill someone with a rage inside me. (I didn’t really of course, I just used to feel SO angry).
I have been on my medication for four months now. I am also diagnosed with an under active thyroid so am taking medication for that too. I am slowly feeling better. I sleep well. I am waking up starting to feel a little less exhausted. I take each day at a time, and have found a place of relative peace.
My home is less shouty. Less tense. It runs a lot smoother.
I still have worries, problems and issues. I am a single mum of four, and it is tough at times. The meds don’t change any of that. But they help me cope.
I am sharing my story as it might help someone in a similar situation. Everyone is different, and meds won’t suit everyone, but for me, I actually wish I had taken them years ago.
If you need any further information about Mental Health Awareness Week, you can visit this website. Please do see your GP or reach out to someone if you are suffering too, Kaz x