18 years ago I was preparing to welcome my beautiful daughter into the world. I kept a detailed diary of my pregnancy, and it is stored in my garage somewhere. Having moved several times since, I can’t find it at the moment. I am planning Project Garage Clearance this summer, and want to find important keepakes like this. When I do find it, I will add it to the blog.
MeeMee’s dad and I split up when she was 2, and I didn’t manage to get any of her early photos. This grieves me almost daily. But, I have had the privilege of being MeeMee’s mum, of watching her grow, blossom, develop into the beautiful young woman that she is today.
I had a wonderful pregnancy, text book, no problems at all. I had suffered a miscarriage six months prior to conceiving her, and was worried sick that I would lose her, but, I relaxed a little as time went on.
I remember finding out she was my baby daughter at I guess it was my 20 week scan. I remember writing ‘You are my daughter, my baby girl’. I was so very happy.
I remember falling onto my tummy, playing a ball game when I was 30 something weeks pregnant, and it winded me. We rushed to hosiptal, and I prayed and prayed and prayed that she was ok. And she was.
My first due date was July 1st. Then July 8th. MeeMee arrived on July 16th!
She made a dramatic entrance into the world. I was take into hospital on the Monday morning, and had a day of inducement, which didn’t work. Gel, more gel then intravenous drugs.
I began having very painful contractions, increasingly so, but nothing was registering on the monitor. This went on for a while. My waters broke on their own in the evening, and I cried with relief and joy.
But that was it. That’s all I managed on my own. Deep in the night, I was still having very painful contractions, but still nothing was happening. I wasn’t dilating at all. Then, panic set in. With every contraction my baby’s heartbeat dropped. And dropped. And dropped. I was aware of more and more midwives and doctors coming into the room. Whispers, controlled urgency.
I was told that I needed an emergency caesarian. Immediately. I had to sign a form, and they hurriedly cleaned nail varnish off my toes. My husband was in utter shock, trying to appear normal for me.
I had no time to think. To worry, or to panic. I just prayed, and prayed and prayed that my baby would be ok.
The next thing I remember was coming round on a trolley, and I was sure I could still feel my baby inside me. I was in terrible pain, disorientated, confused, and didn’t know what was happening.
Then, I must have dropped off to sleep again, because I woke in my hospital bed and they were putting a tiny, perfect, beautiful baby girl into my arms. I cried. I held this little life, this brand new little girl in my arms. And I felt love like I had never felt before. My life was complete. My world was full. I was a mummy. I had produced this perfect little miracle. My daughter. So wanted, so loved.
MeeMee was born at 7.46am on the Tuesday morning. It was late morning before I was awake and held her.
Both my parents and in-laws were outside my room, called by my husband in panic and worry. I was in hospital for five days before we went home.
MeeMee thrived, flourished and blossomed daily.
My18 outstanding memories of MeeMee
1. Videoing her waking up in her ‘fish tank’ in hospital
2. Taking her home to hear ‘My Girl’ blasting out of the stereo – I cry every time I hear it!
3. Her beautiful smile as a tot – Pickle has the same one now
4. Taking her on to Walt Disney World and on a Carribean Cruise when she was 2. Us meeting Pooh & Co for the first time. MeeMee wooing all the ship crew, and dancing on her own on the stage!
5. Her little temper, flinging herself around her bedroom in anger when she was 3 and banging her head, coming into me with blood running down her face :O
6. Telling her when I was pregnant with Lea that she was going to have a baby sister or brother – we were on the beach together, and she burst out crying. I was so upset for her – then she said it was because her T Shirt was wet!!
7. When she broke her ankle when she was seven, I was so worried
8. Seeing her on stage as Tinkerbelle,I think she was 9, I nearly burst with pride!
9. Her junior school prom at the end of year 6. She was ‘going out’ with a boy whose mum was a florist, and they had matching corsages! So cute!
10.Her first day at big school. I was more nervous than she was!
11. Her first holiday abroad without me or her dad, to France with the school when she was 12.
12. Her telling me about how this boy who she really liked was really mean to her, my heart ached for her.
13. MeeMee leaving for New York at 3am from school. I was so excited for her, but couldn’t settle until she was home. She was 15.
14. Trying to talk to her about sex when she had been with Oz for ages, then realising she had done it!
15. Her Year 11 prom when she as almost 16
16. Going with MeeMee for her GCSE results, and, again for the zillionth time feeling so proud I thought I would pop!
17. Taking her for her first driving lesson and not moving the car!!
18. Realising that the beautiful young woman in front of me, the kindest, sweetest, most caring person, whose beauty inside and out shines through, is not only my daughter but my friend.
MeeMee, I love you. I am so proud of you. As you start your adult life, looking forward to University in September, my only wish and hope for you is happiness. Do whatever makes your heart sing. Surround yourself with lovely people whom you love, and who love you. Love what you do, and do what you love. May you have a life of love, health and happiness x x x